I spotted a few furry pits at Van-gizzle last Friday so I thought I would spread some love with this free Noxzema razor offer. It’s good to know some people still actually have good intentions in this world. I already sent razors to everyone on my contact list because I’m Asian and my mom taught me to capitalize on anything that costs under $2… and with 4 blades, the offer really ain’t too shabby! God Bless Noxzema. And me.

FREE RAZOR-INOS: http://www.noxzemashaving.com/

When I think about my worst nightmare, I think about driving drunk and then having my car shut down while going 80mph on the 101 freeway. “Luckily”, god created Japanese and the Japanese created cars that actually do that bull. I don’t see the movement to alcohol-sensing-power-shutting-downing cars by Toyota as a major development… rather a sick step back to their twisted golden shower and chocolate fudge porn. Who does that? I mean really? The last thing I need is a sensitive Japanese car along side my sensitive Japanese beeyotches.
More info on yahoo news: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070103/ap_on_hi_te/japan_toyota_drunken_driving

In some random gossip, Evangeline Lilly’s house in Hawaii burned down.  Ironic isn’t it… didn’t she blow up her own house on Lost too?  I wonder what she’s trying to conceal this time..  tax fraud?  illegal anthrax?  osama?  I love it when my favorite on-screen character comes to life.. this must be my mind playing tricks on me ..or quite possibly a parallel universe like the “Last Action Hero”.  But in any event, I hope Charlie and the statues are OK.

I spotted the crew of alleged “Entourage-esque” MTV show 24/7 at Les Duex this past week and realized the new ”in” thing in Hollywood is to steal the back-washed remnants of your grey goose bottle off your table at the end of the night.  I don’t know if the 24/7 star character, Greg, was intentionally trying to go out with bang or was just giving us a taste of Arkansas.. because last time I checked, getting tables at clubs were for the high rollers, not the penny pinching douche bags that probably go home to a sleeping bag and candle lit lantern in the IE.  Was he collecting spare vodka for Hailey’s next party?  Perhaps he just ran out of food stamps?  If this isn’t a clear indication that he ain’t hittin it big with MTV, I don’t know what is.

Hit ‘em where it hurts with our douche-bag president’s “Out-of-Office countdown”.  Nothing says Merry Christmas more than a thought-provoking, tickle-fight enhancing, multi-purpose political calendar.  With a monthly quote and priceless presidential illustration, this calendar will you leave you absolutely speechless and whimpering from tears and agony.  All and all this calendar puts a light at the end of the road—only 2 more years of political turmoil to go!  That is, unless our next United States president turns out to be a Nigerian rooster… in which case, I can’t see it getting much worse.  
  
Find it here:  click here

If you are in Hollywood tonight, go show some love for the 2007 Chinese New Year Spectacular that is touring at the Kodak theatre (previously at the New York Radio Music Hall).  Its the best way to get in the spirit of red envelop giving/receiving.. and it might not be a bad idea to take grandma along for the ride too!  We can all use a little cultural retouch in 2007!!

Chinese New Year Spectacular Website: www.gala.ntdtv.com   

Tickets at: click here

Ticketmaster description: Artistic styles from the East and West come together in a performance that flows from joyous and festive to soulfoul and poignant. With unforgettable music and dance inspired by legends that have shaped China’s history, NTDTV’S 2007 Chinese New Year Spectacular goes beyond entertainment into a realm of pageantry that the world has not seen since the days of the great Emperors.

Just in case you weren’t already on Myspace enough, Cingular is now offering Myspace access via your mobile phone.  If you are the type that prefers to update your profile picture daily so we know the ins and outs of your wardrobe and what weather conditions in your area are, this is probably a life altering plan for you.  At $3 a month and applicable usage fees, I guess this is a small price to pay to be a local fuckin rockstar.

In case you thought your life couldnt get any better in 2007, review this year’s top New Year’s Resolutions… i mean, just to double check. 

* Lose your Muffin Top : work it boys and girls!
* Pay off Chase Manhattan : don’t be a sucker and pay outrageous interest fees!
* Save Your Dinero : kick back on frivolous items… or maybe just cut the Starbucks.
* Find a Better Job : UPS is hiring?
* Be more Active : your only friend should’nt be Joe Madden… go out and try new things! 
* Diet and Eat more Healthy : skip the KFC “everything” bowls… conserve the calories for bacon wrapped hot dogs!! 
* Go back to School : haven’t you heard?  They recently proved that 2×2 isn’t 4.. 
* Get less Crunk : your liver, neighbors, and mother will thank you. 
* Quit Smoking : cigarettes and leg warmers are officially out.
* Volunteer to Help others : sharing is caring my friends!!

Have a Happy 2007 friends!!

As the Holidays are getting closer and closer, it’s time to start prepping for your annual Pot Luck Christmas party.  Entree of choice?  Weed BROWNIES.  Recipe as follows:

1 1/2 Sticks (12 TB) Real Butter
1/4 oz weed
4 Squares Bakers Chocolate (unsweetened)
2 cups Sugar
1 teaspoon Vanilla extract
1 cup flour
3 eggs

Directions

1. Prepare The Butter. Put the butter and weed in a pot of boiling water and let the butter melt completely and boil (on a low heat) for about 30 minutes.  

2. Remove from heat and pour the whole mixture (water and all) into a glass or other small container. Place this in the freezer until all of the butter rises to the top and solidifies. Note: If you have a clean syringe or a similar device the risen liquid butter can be sucked out and used before solidifying…if you don’t have one, put it in the freezer.  

3. Keep the special butter (aka Cannibutter™) and discard the water weed particles.  

4. Place the Cannibutter™ and bakers chocolate into a microwave safe bowl and heat it on low till it is completely melted (aka Cannichocolate™) 

5. Mix the eggs, flour, sugar and vanilla extract into a large bowl. Add the Cannichocolate™. Mix well.  

6. Pour into 9 X 13 inch, greased baking pan. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  

7. Bake 30-35 min or until a wooden toothpick in the center comes out with fudgy scrumptious crumbs.  

8. Decorate with assorted festive sprinkles and set in fridge to chill.  

9. Now cut up the brownies and bake yourself!

At first thought, disassembling a cell phone and using the pieces to make a nautical compass would be the best chance of a MacGyver survival in wilderness.  But then all these deserted wise asses come along and create phone signals in the middle of the snow covered mountains to help indicate their location and well being.  All and all I guess the lesson learned here is that a cell phone is the new ”man’s best friend.”  A week ago I would have ruled out my cell as valued only for booty calls, text-messaging, and abuse in drunken rages, but now there is a whole new world of cell phone potential and opportunities I didn’t even find imaginable.  Next time I get caught in an avalanche, I will be sure to rock out to my ring tones, send picture message clues of where I am, signal for help, oh yeah and vote for American Idol.