Wasn’t that Hasbro Board Game the Sh*t!?!

Well if you’ve grown from a “Guess Who” dominating twelve-year-old to a twenty-something that lives off cheap thrills – ID this ass!

I know we’ve all pretty much OD’ed on drama with Sanjaya, but I just wanted to point out that he has a sister. A naked sister. That looks like Sanjaya. Isn’t this weird? And somewhat twisted? I mean, she’s like naked. With no clothes on. Like not even a sock. If I had to make a list of all the people I never wanted to see naked, Sanjaya would be on top. Next to his naked sister. And probably the Pope.

I always knew Kfed was kind of a douche, but a douche with 13 MILLION (and more coming!) is somewhat of a different story. In the last fifteen minutes my love for KFed drastically went from liking my old toe jam to liking free booze. And that’s pretty much as extreme as it gets.

More terms of the Brit and KFed divorce settlement:
*A 2004 pre-nup called for K-Fed to get $250,000 for each year of their marriage, but Brit upped that figure to $500,000 to expedite negotiations.
*He receives half the proceeds from their Malibu mansion, which is currently on the market for $13.5 million.
*KFed gets $25,000 a month in child support for each of the couple’s two children until they reach 18. He also gets custody of the boys four days a week.
*Federline gets to keep all the gifts Spears bought them during their marriage.
*KFed is forbidden from writing a tell-all about their mar

If you’re as cheap as I am, this may possibly be your worst nightmare…while you’re awake.
Meet one of the newest innovations from thinkgeek.com, named the “Wifi Donation Alarm Clock”.  Through just an itty bitty clock the device has the ability to connect via WiFi to your online bank account and donate your bucks to a money grubbing charity every time you decide to snooze!  You snooze, you loose!

Point and Click: Say hello to hell on earth

Common Usage Suggestions:
Are you a butcher? Set your SnūzNLūz to donate to PETA
Are you a republican? Set your SnūzNLūz to donate to the ACLU!
Are you a land developer? Set your SnūzNLūz to donate to the Wilderness Society!
Enjoy your freedom? (Blue state version) Set your SnūzNLūz to donate to the GOP. or
Enjoy your freedom? (Red state version) Set your SnūzNLūz to donate to MoveOn.Org
Are you a hippie? Set your SnūzNLūz to donate to the American Coal Foundation.

I think the reason why my mom told me to go to law school is because you get to be a freely unrelenting turbo b*tch and a straight MF baller. I mean, you really know attorneys are screwing civil justice and the fight for equality when Larry Birkhead’s legal services from Debri Opri is costing him $620,492.84 for a case that’s not even settled yet. It must really f-in suck to be the father of Anna Nicole’s crackhead baby and have no recognition of such by the law AND be billed for the price of 1,240,984 Jack and the Box tacos with tax. Lawd Jeebus, for $475 an hour she better promise immortality and a pet unicorn.

More crackheaded-ness: HERE

Just because you only recently learned that “IRS” doesn’t stand for Irate Rectal Syndrome, doesn’t mean you can’t get your taxes in by next month’s deadline. Filling out and submitting your Federal/State taxes is relatively quick, easy, and as painless as ever when using the right online tools. And by “tools” I’m not talking about the kid from your Calculus class that let you copy his homework AND spank his sister while she was drunk. But anyhow, if you’re in dire need of some tax filings be sure to check out the various sites that will file your taxes for FREE and don’t forget the APRIL 17^th due date for most of us.. um.. citizens.

Click and Tax: http://www.irs.gov/app/freeFile/

It’s probably a little too late for finals, but check out the newest addition to my Encyclopedia Britannica collection. For a mere $102 you can cut the crap and get this soft uber fluffy Japanese “pillow book”. I’m not really sure what each “book” is all about since the product description is in Japanese, but what I do know is that people and their work ethics have officially become more ambiguous than a Korean guy in True Religions and Ugg boots. These pillowmakers can’t even make f*ckin pillows. At least it comes plush in three colors and with hours of pleasure that don’t quit!

Point and Click:  Here

An anonymous myspacer has officially opted for what has now become a nine day hunger strike in retaliation of Sanjaya Malakar’s stay on American Idol. I thought about starving myself too until they replaced Ryan Seacrest with Cousin Balki from Perfect Strangers, but then I remembered food was a necessity for survival.  I mean, does she really hate Sanjaya that bad? Was it the hula dance? Because I can do that too, but maybe I shouldn’t.

Point and Click: http://www.myspace.com/starvationforsanjaya

Dictate where your zits go (or more so, where they DON’T go) with this new skool trick. Instead of squeezing, popping, and dousing your craters with toothpaste and mysterious creams, hop in your car and head over to Kalologie -the ultimate beauty hub for skin-care and cosmetic needs. The on-site aestheticians (supervised by dermatologists) will cleanse your battle zone and literally do whatever it takes -from lancing or cortisone injections- to execute your problem spots. They’ll even go so far as busting a little sneaky-sneaky to conceal your face-funk using in-store makeup. Pure genius! And price-wise? If you can fork over a mere $25, consider 5 of your little friends over and out! Had I known about this real-life adobe photoshop-esque phenomenon, a lot more of my friends would have gotten laid on prom night! 

 
Kalologie Skincare
132 South Robertson Boulevard, between Third Street and Alden Drive
310-276-9670
kalologie.com