George Clooney attended the annual Cinema Against AIDS dinner and auctioned off a signature GC smooch for a whopping $350,000. Although the winning bidder was a dude, it was still a win-win situation for Clooney since the kiss was ultimately given to the winner’s girlfriend. I know the concept of getting “shafted” is really subjective, but I am pretty sure the winning bidder got raped in both holes by this one. GC reaffirms he is THE MAN.

You and I know a little too well that some Vanguard goers could really use a little work out… below the belt. So if you’re in need of a little “lift”, feel free to invest in a Pecker Exerciser as you feel fit, Boys. As stated by the Pecker Exerciser site: “The Pecker Exerciser is a much-needed gift for the bachelor. You can give it to him if you think he needs to ‘bone up’ before his honeymoon or if you think he may stop getting as much exercise after marriage. Purchase the Pecker Exerciser along with a sweatband and water, and you’re ready to go.” Sounds good to me! Penises haven’t seen this much action since Olivia Newton John’s Physical.

Point and Click: BULK UP PENIS

Lindsay Lohan is reportedly a sexual vixen as quoted by a Calum Best associated “leak”. Apparently a snitched told The People, “Lindsay’s really insatiable when it comes to sex. [Calum said] ‘She’s dynamite between the sheets… No girl I’ve ever slept with comes close.’…Calum was knocked out by her body… He joked Lindsay loved being on top during sex and controlling the pace but sometimes he felt he needed ear muffs because she screamed so much during sex.”

I remember when these rumors started circulating about me. Of course, I would know since they were circulated by me. But in any case, it must be awesome to have everyone in the world think that you’re a sexual phenomenon, only comparable to the miracle of Ray J’s Golden Showers.

As seen by this TMZ photo, John Legend was spotted in Vegas over the weekend getting a lot of love from the hunnies… the Asian hunnies. I guess if you want to pimp it at the last few weeks of Vanguard, you first have to 1) work on your R&B vocals 2) get a few Grammy nominations 3) be a pimp daddy mack with skintight pants and an ass that don’t quit. As quoted by a source at the event, “John Legend and entourage were whisked to his VIP table in the corner of the club and literally hundreds of screaming women were fighting to squeeze into his section.” Which in my opinion means there was either an alcohol drought at the club and John scored the last Crown bottle, or producing R&B magic is the ultimate Asian panty dropper.

Is it just speculation or is Jessica Simpson and John Mayer really done-zo? Gawd, I hope so. Because lately Jessica has been looking like some sort of F-ed up tanning bed carcinogen. Perez Hilton confirmed the split on his website, however, a reason is yet to be publicized. I imagine Jessica started to eat door nails again and it finally turned John off, or John wanted to go to London’s Piccadilly Circus and Jessica came out multi-colored and swinging her jazz hands.

Move over H&M, a new wave of uber cheap chic clothes is coming to the US Market and it’s looking “Bloody Dishy”. It has been reported that UK’s Topshop owner Phillip Green is planning to open three Topshop retailers in New York in as soon as nine months. Location prospects? Try Madison, Lexington and Fifth Avenues, and Midtown. I don’t know what LA has to do to get some love, but I thought with the whole Kate Moss line, Topshop would naturally be drawn to the revolving celebrity anorexics/coke heads in LA. Starting first with Clarissa Flockhart and then Carson Daly.

Topshop

Just a tip for precaution— before you get grandma or grandpa grindin to your ipod tunes, studies have shown that music devices interfere with pacemakers about 30% of the time. Apparently, the beat of Akon and Jay-Z blasting caused an electromagnetic field that made pacemakers misread gramp’s heart’s pacing, and in one case stopped the functionality of the pacemaker all together. So either Apple’s technology is too hot for eighty-year-olds to handle or music these days just absolutely sucks a fattie (and with the recent douchebag Idols, I’d suggest the latter).

In a sad attempt to get attention, MTV’s most notorious douchebag, Spencer Pratt of The Hills (I know you watch that sh*t too), has reportedly come to Paris’ aid in her jail-time ordeal. Via online petition, Pratt claims that once he collects 100,000 signatures, he will hand deliver it to LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa himself. Now that’s what I call impressive, Captain Save-a-Hoe. I love it when the spoiled filthy rich kindredly connect to help out other sickly well-off people… I mean, as opposed to those that are homeless, ill, or dyslexic.

This is almost makes me as angry as the second season of I love New York— let’s all sign the Anti-Paris Petition: Here

I really hope that chinchilla scarf is versatile in J.Lo’s wardrobe, because recently she has been getting death threats from animal rights activists that want to “kill her in public, just like the slaughtered animals whose fur she wears”. To be completely honest, I’ve never been fond of the girl that sucked the ass out of the entire Bronx either (it’s just not right), but don’t you think public killing is a little harsh? I mean, especially for a few furs here, a few furs there. It’s not like the animals weren’t dead already, right? RIGHT?!!?!??!!?

The creator of over-inflated Chinese food, Mr.Chow (of course of “Mr.Chows”), is currently under fire by three former waiters that allegedly got b*tch slapped, kicked, and abused in the kitchen. The funny thing is– this isn’t the least bit surprising. If you’re going to work in a Chinese kitchen under a Chinese person with a Chinese accent that was clearly alive during the Vietnam War (oh, and looks like a Chinese Hitler), you’re destine to at least get hit with a wooden spoon. According to the lawsuit, Michael Chow ran his restaurant like a “conductor with an iron baton” and caused his workers to “suffer many day-to-day indignities” such as deducting waiters’ tips for not listening to him and for speaking out of turn. I guess you really can take the boy out the hood, but not the hood out the boy.