Twenty-three years after Motley Crude member Vince Neil killed a passenger in a gruesome DUI accident, he decided to launch a new tequila line called Tres Rios! I’m not exactly sure if I want to be accepting liquor from a man slaughterer, but hey, I guess this business venture could work out. I mean probably for those heartless alcoholics that have no soul. I was thinking about picking up a bottle right after I get some newly manufactured explosives from the Unabomber.

Upon return from jail tomorrow, Paris is in for a complete and utter rude awakening. Late last night, some prolific geniuses decided to tag Paris’s Hollywood crib with ParisExposed.com – the website infamous for exploiting Paris and her most private items, like her sex videos and diaries. I didn’t think street art could get more beautiful than Banksy!

I was once told that when you reach the point of forever sweat suit-dom, you’re actually one painful step closer towards total devastation. This is my first concern. My second concern lies in the fact that Timbaland is seriously rocking some hardcore motherf*ckin Ugg Boots! If this doesn’t scream fashion casualty then the sky isn’t grey (I’m reporting from downtown LA) and the world isn’t flat (I just smoked a bowl).

After attempting to use a sock as a scrunchie because her hair extensions got tangled, Paris decided it would be a good idea to not eat or drink for three days so she wouldn’t have to go to the bathroom. A source told NY Daily News that she is absolutely terrified that one of the guards or staffers might video tape her doing her business and post it on the internet.

I don’t know when Paris became afraid of people posting things about her on the internet, but it must be something in the jail air. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen at least 1,997 of her 2,000 parts, so getting phone footage of new things, like possibly the inside of her ear won’t really matter at this point.

If you’re finding yourself compelled to help those that have ever so dearly helped you, hit up and send a note of gratitude to our troops. Overachiever? Organize a drop-off in your community and send a group of letters from your fabulous peers. Our nation thanks you for feeding UC Regents, why not thank our troops for defending us pocket protector geeks.
Point and Click: www.Amillionthanks.org<

Is it just me or does Kim Kardashian’s ass officially deserves it’s own zip code? Clearly it’s big enough to have its own blog, why not conquer the world!?? I haven’t seen a hiney like that since JLo in Selena, and even then I thought my eyes had defied me. Well endowed officially has a new meaning.

If you’ve ever been to Chinatown, or perhaps, Alhambra, you know this fish when you see it. But little did we all know that it is actually called a “platinum arowana” (in colorless cases), and is classified as a mutant fish with virtually no color in its body. Owners of this fish recently turned down an offer for $80,000, making it one of the world’s most blinged out fishes. The colorless fish is apparently only one of a kind in Singapore, although regular arowana’s aren’t particularly rare or expensive. Has anyone ever heard of paint thinner? How about bleach? I smell the workings of a mutant factory. $$$$$$$$$$$

Google Maps’ newest Street View feature has caused a tad bit more drama than originally anticipated. The feature, which allows users to click on maps in major cities and get real images of the street, actually captured a little TOO much as an old man jaywalking, a smiling man coming out of a strip club, two men going into a cannabis club, and a few college girls sunbathing at Stanford, were picked up and displayed by Google’s 360-cameras. I wish it got me yacking on Gower and Hollywood! It’s a new era of stalking, my friends!

Point and Click: See Me Pee!

It boggles my mind what people will do for a buck these days. Although I always wanted a piece of Lindsay Lohan’s car, I never thought I’d actually be able to get my grubby little hands on it. I mean, legally. I don’t even know what these things really are, but if this ebayer is promising their involvement with Lindsay’s Benz and the Beverly Hills curb, I’m on it like Cristal to my face.

Broken Coche