Moneymoon – The temporary satisfaction felt after the purchase of a good or service; before you look at your shiny 12-speed titanium blender and buyer’s remorse kicks in.

“I don’t know what happened to the moneymoon period, but I’m already somewhat regretting the Gucci upholstery I had custom tailored to my civic … even if it is 1 of 5 in the nation.”

The Daily Stink answers your love/life woes

Dear Daily Stink,

Is it possible to lose weight while drinking vodka daily? I need to reduce belly fat but also need my vodka.

Signed,

McJubblies

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What’s up McJubblies,

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but vodka isn’t the best dietary supplement to reduce stomach rolls. That is unless you drink to the point of complete dehydration, but even that only lasts until your nooner animal-style cheeseburger and fries. Case and Point: how many times have you seen a vodka-cran, or say, vodka tonic sans muffin top? If you really need your vodka fix and want to be sexy too, I recommend the golden 2:1 rule. That being, you need to buy 2 drinks for others in ratio to every 1 that you buy yourself. Not only will the people you hang out with get proportionally fat too, they’ll have it twice as bad as you and you’ll look that much sexier when they get f*cked up. I think it’s called the Theory of Relativity. Remember that the next time you hit the liqs and avoid being a total monstrosity!

You’re lucky I don’t charge,
The DS

Life got you down? Not for long! Email your local lord’s prophet for some worldly advice at: helpme@frictionent.com

Farticles - The particles of air that become contaminated after someone rips out some major gas.

That chick busted ass with some farticles right in front of me! Can you believe that!!?

The Daily Stink answers your love/life woes

Dear Daily Stink,

I hate my life! I suck at school, I have no friends, I feel empty inside, like something is missing.?
What should I do?! I’m tired of feeling depressed all the time!
 
-Alexander

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Howdy Alexanda,

Well sweetheart, the real question here is - do you have a Nintendo Wii? Because I don’t think you do. Virtual Bowling and Tennis certainly don’t involve any talents akin to academia, besides perhaps fundamental motor skills, which you’ve clearly already demonstrated by your email submission online. I’ve heard of people in Asia that get great work outs from the Nintendo Wii system, which will most definitely help the muscle definition in your body and perhaps even stir up some awkward conversation amongst you and your peers! All and all, I’d say focus on your swing, and your boxing (you know, if sh*t really gets rough), because no one ever laughs at the guy with a handful of F*ck you up. Golf clap for you!

Best, 

The DS 

Itching for attention? Look NO further! Email your local lord’s prophet at: helpme@frictionent.com

Ebonic Plague - Not to be confused with the lymphatic system infection, oh no. Commonly known as the growing acceptability of having no education and/or an intense ebonic speaking native tongue. 
 
“When five dudes referred to me as dawg and playa, I knew we were amongst the ebonic plague.”

The Daily Stink answers your love/life woes

Hey DS -

I know they say size doesn’t matter, but the guy I’m in to has equipment that looks like an undeveloped leg. Will it puncture an artery?

Gravely concerned,
Asian petunia

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Dear Asian petunia,

Theoretically, no. But I’d definitely watch out for those low blows to the kidneys.

Sincere gratitude for bringing up such fruitful morning conversation. Galapagos monsters would shun at the sight of that. Thank you for being so delightfully graphic.

Can’t eat,
The DS

Find our sound advice more compelling than Mexican Turkish meatballs? Look NO further! Email your local lord’s prophet at: helpme@frictionent.com