After an uber-short hiatus, we decided to bring the celeb smackin’ gossip column back… exclusively for the guilty pleasure of you & yours. Why? Because how else are you going to expend excess weekday billable hours? And because you love us.
 

This week – “The DAILY Stink”
 
Although this may be old news to some, I’d like to bring to light that Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green are STILL dating. Whereas some opinionists would term this a dynamic duo, I’d like to point out that her side of the duo makes the other side look like poo. If 90210 is the new black, I must be burnt charcoal at nighttime. But honestly, not too shabby for a 1990 wash-up – it’s like dating one of the original Beatles!

The Daily Stink answers your love/life woes

Dear Daily Stink –

I’m approaching 30 and all my friends are getting married. The last relationship I had was in the 80s, and I wouldn’t even consider it a real relationship since we only held hands on the way to school. Is time running out and should I be concerned?

-Third Wheel, “Mr. Lonely”

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Hey Mr.Lonely,

Wikipedia states the average “age at first marriage” for an American man is 27.5, whereas an American woman is 25. 9, however, who really comes up with these horsesh*t arbitrary numbers anyway!?? I say as long as you still have that twinkle in your erogenous zone, singlehood is fair game and you’re just as tender as the new-age frat boys born in (now) 1989. When your biological clock really starts ticking, I’d suggest dropping hints on your birthday for gift like, I don’t know, say, Match.com membership or email blaster, just to aid you in your real final push. I’ve had some really good post-ripen berries and, um, day old bagels, if you get my drift.

The Stink!!

Bats in the Cave, noun –

1.  Visible clumps or nostril “lettuce”, often seen clinging or hanging from nasal hair.

“Wtf, I walked around the whole day like this! Why didn’t anyone tell me I had Bats in the Cave!!”

Lemon party, noun, plural -ties, adjective, verb, -tied, -ty·ing –

Verb -

1. To set someone’s home page to www.lemonparty.org without their knowledge and thereby give them an unexpected awakening of an old man gay orgy upon return to their computer.